The Way Mary Sees It
by Hannanball13
Summary: A series of One-shots set post Alls Well That Ends... Mary is cruising through her life without Marshall, watching everything shift around her.. Wondering where she should go next.


_ Change. There are all kinds of it, "changing for the better", "changing for the worse" or my favorite, "Oh my how you've changed.". But, even though we throw the word around so willingly, what does it really mean? Five years ago I would have told anyone who asked me how I felt about the insidious term that I was perfectly content with who I was and change wasn't necessary. Then, my mother was a stumbling drunk, reaching for the bottle whenever times were tough or boredom set in, my sister was no better, irresponsible to say the least. We as a whole family were walking disasters, all still sulking about my father's disappearance from our lives even decades after. But I still would have told them, I didn't need to change. _

Every Wednesday, when the sun comes up and the breeze starts to blow, I pull her stroller from my closet, wipe the dust that collected from the week it took up space behind that particular closed door and place my giggling daughter into it. By then she's primed with her morning can of peaches and a six ounce bottle, Brandi, endearingly named Squish, usually awaits my return, lying on my sofa, caressing her bulging belly. It takes everything I have not to roll my eyes as I walk into my home only to see my sister, although younger, enjoying the entertainment that stopped entertaining me when I was seven- morning cartoons.

When I'm done strolling, I do everything in reverse; I roll my little girl up the steps of my home, pick her up into my arms to hear her fuss as I hand her off to my sister. The stroller goes back into the closet, to collect its weekly dust once again. By now, the shower beckons, hot and scolding to wash the morning jog from my body, lovingly I leave hot water for my sister, who gets the pleasure of tending to Norah as she bathes. She says I do it "just to be cruel". I tell her "its good practice for the parasite currently occupying her insides." She knows I mean her well, in my own way.

Brushing my hair out of my face, I lean down to kiss Norah on her little strands of blonde hair, she looks up, gurgles a muddled 'mamama', - it's a start and it makes me smile. With that, I pat my sister on the shoulder as I make my way to the door, flinging my bag over my shoulder. I say a quick goodbye, knowing if I stay any longer I would get lost in Norah's attempts at speaking. After what seems like a little more than forever, I leave my home with a smile on face, perfectly content with everything I have.

I turn the key into the ignition of my dreaded mini-van, Marshall finds it necessary to remind me that this is "the longest test drive ever." Whatever. I've swallowed my pride, painstakingly forgotten about my love for the Probe. At least in this contraption, I don't have to worry about putting oil in it every morning. I guess in the back of my mind, I'm glad Norah came along to get rid of my serious aversion to the new car smell and any vehicle with four doors.

The Sunshine building is not far away, and the security of the Marshal building within my reach makes me feel like I'm at my home away from home, my heart settles into my chest as my feet hit the pavement. I'm not surprised to see Abigail, reaching her head out the fully open window of her unmarked police car, to give Marshall a peck on the cheek. He blushes, reacts with what looks like an "I love you" from the distance I'm at, and walks a few feet before he notices me. He waits to accompany in the short walk in. I smirk, happy with the little time I get to spend with him these days, him having gotten married only a few months ago, I chose to uphold my promise to let him be happy with the woman he loved, even though I still wasn't sure where I was headed in my future without him, I keep my mouth shut. I didn't want to be the reason his eyes didn't dance with glee every morning as he sipped at his coffee, or the reason why he didn't get to have the life he always deserved.

He makes small talk, asks me about Norah, and I answer him honestly. Trying not to let too much pride escape from my tone as I mention her first utterance was what I had hoped it would be, 'mama'. Marshall chuckles, his eyes twinkle with jubilation he feels for me. I can't help but let some sort of a snicker escape from my mouth as the elevator doors let us out and I see Delia unwrapping her morning muffins from their plastic wrap and placing them beside the coffee pot. That deserves a smile alone. Marshall uses his key card, holding the door open to let me in, God help that man who thinks chivalry isn't dead. I roll my eyes, because it's necessary.

I chuck my bag onto the floor beside my desk and watch Marshall enter his office, leaving the door open to forever be a part of the _action _going on outside, trying to slide into the whole Chief Mann thing lightly. If that was even possible. Delia kept things running smoothly, but didn't do much field work these days. She was like a make-shift Eleanor, except I despised her a little less…. Mostly because she knows her way around the oven, if Mary had to admit one thing that won her over, it would have to be a gooey, warm baked good, which Delia had knack for cooking up.

I have a new partner, very new. Fresh from the academy, eager to learn and that bugs the hell out of me. I keep aspirin in my top drawer for occasions I am forced to oversee a training or assist in some sort of "learning experience" as Marshall so delicately named the excruciating sessions. But at the end of the day, the woman was a sharp shooter, almost as good as me. Not to mention she could spit the venom right back at me, this was a rare find. I was appreciative not to get an ill skilled, coward for a partner that would run, crying with their tail between their legs as soon as I got the least bit snarky. She was like a female Marshall… Well maybe not that far. No one would ever be able to replace Marshall. That was a given.

I look at the stack of paperwork on my desk, shed my sweater and start scribbling, wishing for a quiet day so I can get home to my bug and relieve Brandi from the reality of impending motherhood. Chances were Jinx would be there, like every Wednesday. It was the day she got off from work early, so she made it a point to show up in my home, invited or not, usually bearing some form of take out in her puny grasp, maybe sporting a leotard. God I hoped she's wearing jeans this evening…

My Partner looks at me quizzically as I take a sharp intake of air, cringing at the thought of my mother in a skimpy garment. I shoot her a glare, that would startle anyone else and she returns it before she starts typing on her computer again. I roll my eyes, because yet again the moment is worthy of my attitude.

I sit back, not the least bit motivated, staring down a chocolate chip muffin beckoning to me from across the room. Delia yawns. I don't care. I cross the office to take a closer look at the pastry, debating whether I should consume the delicious looking delicacy, when it seemed like every pair of jeans I had were still screaming at me to get back to my fighting weight. What the hell, I bite into it, chewing, catching the crumbs falling from the corners of my mouth.

I look around the office, Marshall's shades are open so I peek in, to see his lips puckered which meant he was whistling, probably some geeky tune from some geekazoid lame brain movie. His wedding ring gleams from the overhead light beating down on him from the position in which Stan used to reside. I miss Stan. He stayed just long enough to attend the Chaffee- Mann nuptials and then took the first flight to D.C, Lia in tow, shaking her hips to the rumba, or whatever the hell she taught.

I get my quiet day, well half a day, Marshall sends me home when he realizes he doesn't need me, the newby can answer the phones and I'm not exactly a pleasant person to have on the other line for anyone asking stupid questions. I leave happily, knowing Jinx would not be taking up space in my house for at least an hour and I would have time to put Norah down for her nap… and put gas in my ride.

I slurp at my big gulp- diet, as I walk through the door, relieved to see Norah, hopping in her bouncy chair, nearly dozing off forcing her tiny legs to give up the effort. I hand the drink to Brandi, who will happily finish it for me. I lift Norah up, plant a big kiss on her cheek and she yawns, happy to see me with a tiny smile spreading across her tiny face. She drools as she respond to my snuggles with another, "mamamama". I smile again.

And as I lay my little girl down for her nap, feeling a little lethargic myself, I lay on my bed, only to turn over to find a picture of my father, holding my hand staring back at me. The reality of him being gone doesn't hurt anymore, but the terrifying moments when he laid bleeding out in my arms, promising me everything all over again was still fresh in my jumbled brain. I don't like the way my cheeks burn and the tears threaten to fall, so I lay on my back to stare at the ceiling. The off white, popcorn pattern was more pleasant than my memories. Norah fusses a bit, but stops fighting sleep and rolls over to succumb to after I "shush" for a few minutes.

My heart swells to see her so peaceful in her crib and I push away that feeling, still unable to give into sentimentality or stereotypical motherly feelings. I guess I have to admit that I haven't changed in that perspective.

But my mind wanders and eventually, I realize everything else has.

Brandi seems to be finally getting on the right track, attending doctor's appointments and caressing her swollen belly, trying to convince herself motherhood was a feat she could take on. Jinx was sober, and holding a job at the ballet studio, promising her granddaughter gets free lessons. I have refused dozens of times respectfully, but Jinx will be Jinx and be stubborn as a mule. At least I know where I get it from. Marshall is married, and happy. Like I wanted him to be…

My _life_ was the epitome of change, but _I_ had stayed the same.

_(I have no idea where this should go, and what I am doing. I just thought, I haven't written any stories from Mary's P.O.V. Now I know why, it is really hard and everyone will probably shun this fic. So read if you wish… I guess I can write a series of one-shots, but it's up to everyone else. Please read and review! I appreciate any suggestions you have!)_


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